That Roaming Ex

Stupid. Stupid. Fucking Stupid. The heck was I thinking? How could I be soooo stupid?

For 12 years I led him to believe that it was all his fucking fault. For 12 years he lived with this guilt that it was somehow his fault that I ended up like this. For 12 years I led him to believe that I was and am still angry with him.

In one moment of glory, I spill it all out and exactly like that day 12 years ago, I lay limp and useless. All gory details laid bare for him to see.

It's the roaming ex again. He wanted to add me on Facebook. I ignored him. Then I msgd "why?" to him before mentally kicking myself. Many months later, he msg me back to email him for updates. Just like nothing had ever happened.

So the emails went back and forth and we traded stories. We talked on the phone and before I knew it, I have forgiven him of his past sins and everybody was happy. What I didn't bet on was that the phone calls would dwindle and the emails would decrease before stopping altogether.

It was like 1996 all over again. The waiting, the anticipation of every phone call. The disappointment that the calls were not from him. The anger with yourself that you've given so much of yourself away. Argghh!!...I'm so Stuuupidddd!!!!...